Let’s talk about blogs for a second, because apparently nobody appreciates the single greatest feature of the written word: you just see me, unfiltered and slightly unhinged, typing away like a philosopher who just discovered Red Bull. Groundbreaking. Someone alert the Pulitzer committee.

Today I decided to write a song. It’s called Assha. I won’t be explaining the title, because mystery is free marketing and therapy is not.

And here’s the real headline: the music video is a full cartoon. 😜 Not filmed in my living room with a phone propped against a mug, not live-action, an actual animated production. Apparently live-action wasn’t going to cut it for the artistic gravity of a song called Assha. This track deserves cartoon physics, exaggerated expressions, and at least one scene where somebody’s jaw hits the floor like a Looney Tunes wolf. Nothing less.

Is this a disproportionate amount of effort for a song whose length is classified information? Yes. Am I doing it anyway? Also yes.

Every lyric is mine, written with zero ghostwriters and zero committees of sad men in a studio trying to make me “relatable.” Just me, pouring my soul into a cartoon. What you won’t be hearing, however, is my actual singing voice. Someone else is handling vocal duties, because the lyrics were never the problem, my pitch is. This is basically what every pop star has quietly been doing since the invention of the vocoder. I’m just saying it out loud, which should honestly count as an integrity award.

Now for the hostage negotiation portion of the program: this cartoon only sees daylight if the post gets liked. No likes, no video. I have taken my own animated masterpiece hostage and am demanding engagement as ransom. Manipulative? Sure. Am I stopping? No. The button costs you nothing. It costs me my entire artistic legacy if you scroll past it.

So here’s where we land: a song called Assha, written entirely by me, performed by someone else, turned into a full animated video, currently being held for ransom by the like button. Chaotic rollout? Maybe the most chaotic one yet. Happening regardless? Completely.

Go like the post. The world deserves Assha.